went to work as usual...
bored..tired..feeling weak still..
argh.!!
didnt talk much nowadays..

went home..abb qash came..
ate with him chilli crab which ibu cooked..
sit down..chat2...
ibu story2..
laugh2...till 3am.
sat outside with him..played lappy..listen to songs..
then ard 4am get home..
played internet till now..
time check:6:49am..
nice...tmrw off..can sleep late..never sleep also can..



oh yes i need a second chance..just a goddamn second chance..
after i saw somethings on facebook,i reaally feel that i want n need the second chance
badly...oouuuhhhmmyyygooddd...please make my heart stronger..
i know i am stronger than this..
yes i am...just miss some people or to be exact someone..

hello people.!
ooh....its dusty in here..my blog got alot of dust huh?
i guess dis is the first post for 2011...hahaha
sad or wat..march then i post..
hahahha....


hmm..let me try to recall january first..
hmm...my uncle passed away..
it has not been a good month..cause i remember how i used to curse 2011 as a bad year...



february...things started changing again..
it becomes better...bit by bit..
had our family chalet...n had lots of fun...hahahah..
work wise..it was damn tiring month..because of chinese new year...
we work like dogs...dogs also never work like dat...
all become like zombie ready...
hahahaha...n problem wise..alot of things haf been goin on at work..alot..
but nvm..problems make a place more entertaining....

hahah


march....hmm..cant predict much..
end of feb i have been falling sick..really sick..
only lie down in my room almost the whole day..for 4 days..
my brain n body is goin thru massive exhaustion..
i will faint anytime if i were to overwork again..
have started eating my old medicine..the antibiotics...
cause my head started to give problems again..haiz...
my relationship with my family is getting better too..
n it only started when i fall sick again...
they treated me nicely..so nice till i feel so weird..
hahaha..just being paranoid i guess...




n yes i still miss him ... maybe when i say i have moved on it was only me living in denial..
i have never moved on.. there was no one else after him..no one..but as long
as he is happy with the new person,i will be happy for him..

thank god for presenting me a loving family...another loving sister(ekyn mocot) and another loving brother(abb qash)...n a new comer to our family(nurrys bayu azila)...n thank u allah for making me believe that he has better plans ahead for me each day coming.

been SOOOOOOOOOO fucking long since my last update huh..
been busy,.lappy spoil ..haiz,..
so wats happening in my life/?
actually theres alot of things..but then everything seems like normal evriday routine..
it all depends on how my day was bein spent..
i eat sleep work hang around movies n stuffs..
more of my time are spent wif my ph family..actually its majority of my time lah..
i wake up bathe go werk..come home in the morning n sleep..wake up again go werk..dat kindof routine lah..gt to enjoy only on my off day...so dats for wats happening in my evriday life..
lets move one..


hmm....im nt dat contactable with my friends..they are busy with school..n i m busy workin,
they are mostly free on weekends whch i obviously cant have an off day on weekends..
only once or twice in two months?hmm..i miss them so much..veri much..wish we can rewind tym n go back to our school days..it was good tyms..



one of my burden is off..i confessed wat ive been keepin towards him..but then,things still cannot work out..well atleast i noe the answer n will nt feel so tortured keepin sumthng..eventhou deep inside im still waitin,i juz take it dat we r nt meant to b together again..but i dunnoe y sumthng deep inside me keep tellin me to waiit n im still waitin..stupid me ryt..i could juz move oon but i dunnoe y its so hard..maeby bcoz he was my last n my best..treated me so right..its veri easy for anione to say juz move on..tapi kalau da sayang nk buat mcm mane kan.. eventhou dis is lyk a one sided thing , i still accept it..loving someone doesnt need to have any returns ryt..goodness sake i still love him...only god noes..haizz...



werk is great...even thou there r more conflicts n stuffs,there is juz something abt the surroundings n the people who make my evriday life intresting...learnt life lessons from them...those things dat people might tot is rarely happening is actually happening in our social evriday life..n i had my lovely sister there who took me like her own..im thankful for dat..ive gt big brothers and a big sister there who would listen up to my whine n vice versa..i love them alot...sometimes strangers can treat us better than our own blood..i thank god for presenting me with these people when im at my worst state..they are nt influencive juz dat when i wanna do somethng bad they will be thr with me..to take care of me.."nk jahat,jahat same2 jadi kite bole jage kau..kene tangan org laen..bleh salah jalan..." dat is wat they alwaes say..hahahs..its a way of tellin me they wont let me go overboard or do sumthng bad with the wrong people with wrong intentions..i love them.. alot.. they neva fail to put on a smile on my face when im down..or juz say evriday..



my health is nt dat good recently..been easily sick..my headaches startin to kick in again..juz like last tym..my body felt weaker now..i get sick easily n stuffs..i nid to take medicine almost evry nyt..those painkillers whch will juz make me sleep n forget all the pain..and when the next day comes,i will go thru the same routine agaiin by the end of each day.eat medicine n go to sleep..suckish lah..but i m still thankful to god evryday when i open my eyes..it means im still alive n still have time to be spent memorably with my loved ones..evryday is a new beginning n a new mission waiting ahead..



i miss my delta troup..hahaha..the baddest son of bitches..hahahs..i didnt get to go for the meet up session with themm..coz its on a saturday n im werkin..haiyo..they made up alot of good memories during my secondary school life...those stupid things we do together..only we noes how much bad things we've done..n those memories are priceless..juz by talkin abt it again cn make us laugh our butts off remembering how childish n how fun it is last tym..i love it..


totally not forgettin the OOOFVEs...! they came to my life on my senior years.haha..great bunch great people great jokes great tricks great gossips great laughs great memories..we r one crazy bunch ..we will do watever we like as long as it will make us happy..example during the sports carnival..we could even dance crazily in the middle of the field..our bonding was there..i tink dat is wat make us the winner..hahas..we alwaes had dat positive energy..always..!hahaha..i love them..





i realise my mistakes in the past years really affected my life today..if only i could rewind tym,things would be totally diferent,.like totally difrent..karma strikes back real bad ths time..
if only time machine existed for real..i would really wanna go for it..haiz..


ok dats all for now..i dunnoe when my next post is gonna be..will be busy..heehee..
take care people..i love me.i love you.i love them.i love us.i love yours.i love my people..i love him. muax.!

my grandmother died 2 days ago. which is on the sunday..
after 3 weeks of suffering with different kind of tubes inserted to her body, finally she had her long rest..
the news was not a big shock or something because everyone see it coming soon..she have no more chances to live.
but it is still something that all children would not want to experience..losing their parents..
and now,i have got no grandparents anymore.. not even one..
i experience one kind of a feeling just now when we are at the cemetry..
i felt sad and scared at the same time,,when this uncle started saying those prayers and giving last advices
to my late grandma.. and when i tried peeking to the 'liang lahad',suddenly i was feeling dizzy..
grabbed my sisters hand and didnt try to do it again.ijust stood near there and reading along the prayers..
everything went smoothly..thank god..may she rest in peace and be placed among the good people in heaven..
amin.


she is being loved by many..a good mother,grandmother,wife and sister..everyone loves her..
and everyone will miss her...
nothing stays in this world.. not a single living thing.

im bored...im veri bored..im veri veri veri bored ryt now..
if only i am schooling right now,my days would not be so plain..everyday would be something new..
there will always be something new and to be talked about.. studies,friendships,teachers,politics,emotions..
oh my gosh..i am obviously missing school.. i wish i have homeworks now so it will fill up my empty time..
i want that busy pressured stressed till you cry life back again.. can i?i wish i can..atleast back then i have everone..
i have my friends.my bitches.my seniors.my juniors.my specialist.my cadets.my crush.my teachers.my enemies.n family.
but where do everyone go now?yes i still have my friends.but not everyday like last time where i can meet them evryday..i rarely meet ,talk or even sms with them. only when there is something coming up or someone need something or we are just plain bored then we will start talking.n that will only last like how long?hours?or maeby 2 days only..or even minutes.. that is how distanced i am from them.those people who used to be there for me everyday..
i want my ncc life back again..as a cadet..where we were being tortured like we are just a piece of shit..it is fun .. it makes us looks like fools but that is how we gain our strength from.. a cadet is far more stronger than a specialist..a specialist is just a senior who have more experience and knowledge..i want be in the platoon that have always been in the shit n sweats with me..i want to go gunung ayam again with my platton mates..it is the most precious thing that i would remember..i want to go through initiation camp again with them..because there is alot of drama which happen in real life and we happened to plan everthing out..it was funny shit..
i want to have a weekend job like last time..eventhough as a dishwasher for weddings..atleast i get to meet my crush every weekends..joke around ,annoy, tease,laugh with each other..n also sing together.i still remember the first song which break the ice..its "i wanna hold your hand"..an old school song..hahha..it was fun back then.having cash every weekends..and going for dinner as a group after work.but now,since something happened,we have not been going to work as a dishwasher every weekend..n yes if my sister happens to read this..yes,its true..i do have a big crush on zul..remember he is the chris brown and i am rihanna..it was crazy..but that was back then..i still do talk to him at times but not as often as last time..cause there is nothing much going on in my life...and i do not have much to talk about with everyone..EVERYONE.
i want to have my teachers back in my everyday life..they are the awesome-est strangers in my life..
they did try their best to make me learn something eventhough i am quite problematic with attendance back then..they still do not give up on me..i appreciate their efforts trying to get near us n treating us like their children..pampering us..it was veri sweet of them..i still remember mr row's convo with me on the phone.."can you come to school tomorrow?"...."okay,do it atleast for me..i have not seen you for a long time.."..."the whole class miss your presence here"...that actually made me come to school the next day and the whole week..i swear..which other teachers would do that?and the other teachers such as mdm hartini and mr vale and ms sor n ms shobha also filled up a certain area in my heart okay..they are the sweetest teacher..
i love going to school and seeing my enemies..enemies actually made my school life more interesting..without enemies,there will be no climax...and i remember me eeza n mus beating up maggie..it was memorable ..and during the early part of 2009 we are so fanatic..and as if everyday we go and solve problems for other people..nothing to do ..it was veri fun.and in the end.i can say those enemies actually became friends of mine..atleast we are not in bad terms anymore..atleast..
i want to turn back time again if i can and change everything..since secondary 1..i should have socialised more and get to know more good people in life..eventhough they are naughty people,sometimes they can be the best person in your life.and if i can turn back time..i would actually try to hold my relationship with haziq till now and in the future too just like what we used to promise back then..but promises are meant to be broken is it?he is a nice guy..he may be a little bit over protective but that is because he care..i became uncomfortable with that extra care since i do not like to be overly protected..but then if only we could sit down and talk really really nicely and not mistook what each other is trying to convey,we would actually stand till now..i am very very sure..but what to do?yes i admit i still miss him and i want him back but it is not going to happen..how can i prove that i still have feelings for him?in thousands of people i knew,why i always miss him?and why do i still feel jealous when he treat another girl extra special?and why do my heart skip a beat when i talk to him? i see changes in him and he is way much better now..maeby he is happy with his life or even with someone else..i would not ever ever be selfish and snatch that happiness away from him..he have helped and done alot for me..iappreciate and really thankfull for that..
all i can say my mistakes which i have done in the past..or should i say last year and last two years have actually changed my life..i am school-less right now..i am single and missing him always.. i am bored with doing the same thing all the time at work..workplace which used to be so homely has turned to be a bitch to me eversince that new boss came..i even got sacked on saturday..but i got the job again and working tomorrow..but seriously,work will not be that fun after this..
and lastly,,family?hmm..i do not know how to describe it right now..from my point of view,it is okay.. i am kind of comfortable with the way it is now..but to the others point of view,they keep complaining about how ALL of us not having time for each other anymore..dad cominghome around midnight everyday and leaving for work in the morning before everyone wakes up..mum keeps complaining to me about everyone's atitude towards her everyday..liike what am i suppose to do?i am even the youngest here for goodness sake.dont the older ones have brains to think better than me?my first sis as not been in contact for around 1 month.2nd sis has been going out everyday with her husband.3rd sis started working and it has made a bit impact..4th sis working at somewhere not halal and my mum nagging about it to me..and her atitude which is going down the drain to some peoples eyes..everything is being put on my shoulder..am i the oldest one here?hell no..! everyday she will keep telling me she is so stressed about my dad which is not in talking terms with her,my sis being rude to her everyday,being lonely at home.and alot more stuffs..and i am getting nagged at for someone's else's fault..so who should be more stressed here?no school.. a job with small pay and have to support herself and pampering her mum with her pay and in the end i am left with nothing.. isnt it better when there is lesser people at home?so peaceful..difrent people diferent points of view..
whatever it is..i am bored rotting at home..and that explains this lengthy post of mine.ok i am tired now..finally can rest.okay bye.take care earthlings..

juz came back home aftr 1 week of camp..
hahahha...
i had lots of fun during this whole week....n i really2 meant it ah..
from monday ahem ahem,,,oni those ppl noe..
to tuesday with backbone aching n still haf to werk with no sleep...
i swear my eyes da koyak sials..at werk i was staring at certain thngs alot of tyms..
coz im fcking sleepy n lazy to move my eyes..hahah..then reached skewl ard 1 am..
oxygen time with dina.. then didnt sleep till 5am..aftr 5am then i cnnt tahan readi..
pengsan rabak giler kebabian nyer...summore we haf our veri own built tent with two fucking
big n comfy high-jump mattress combined together..so slept thr till ard 12 plus..hahha..nidda get my power sleep mah..if nt the next few days im gnna be sick..o
on wednesday break camp for a/b camp...so we slack till 6pm..
the specs n haziq n me did sumthng really risky n crzay...but its funn...hahaha..
at nyt ard 12am we go out..planned to go sembwng park.but half thru walking the cnnector,
we darn lazy readi..so we juz exit the coffeshop lane n walk alll the way to northpoint's macd..slack thr..play the pig game.. n gt one apek yg tido air liur meleleh pat dlm dgn tiket
4d infrnt of him..so we disturb him ah..we write 4 number on a paper n say lucky 4d number.then we put on his table...so we make xtra noise to wake him up..n BALING!
hahahha...blah blah blah..we do it for th second tym.. then we slack outside ... n i swear evrione's eyes damn red readi...faishol ah 30 secs gone case..abeh tido senyom..
then ard 4 plus we made our way back to skewl..reached ard 5 10am..then the gate nt open.n we do nt wanna climb..so evrione lepak ryt outside the gate..n hell we juz lie down outside the gate..at the road entrancew thr..mcm org mabok..then 5 30 am gate open..evrione rushed to the tentage n slept in a pooof!sume juz squeeze in je..tangan kenmane kepale kemane..woke up at 11am..played in the rain wif dina..haha n then we bathe together n flood the toilet..lack of childhood sia.. then initiation start n hell start for the charlie..yay! i love sadism..! they gt tortured oni on the second day..ferst day soo relaxed..n i rmmber their faces when they eat biscuits wif marmite n saltwater,,hahaha..classic sial..smpai muntah lah...wth..dramamama sials..
then they receive more hell n hell. after dat i go werk on friday nyt..aku da pnat giler kebabian siak..reach skewl ard 1 am again..then talk2 wif kum fai haziq n nurra n afai n kim..2 am they all sleep.i continue layan si kum fai talk2..smpaii 2 30am.n evrione nidda wake up at 3am..so without sleep again the whole 2 days..proceed to sembawang connector for solo walk..its nt dat dark lah..coz gt moonlight..but still,,its dark enuff to make u haf the chills ...n evrithng ends at ard 6 plus in the morning..then they walk back..n my toes got bubble blisters...long tym neva wear no 4 bootmah.so cut short..finish evrithng. had lunch wif the specs n nurra n haziq n kum fai at np.. reach home ard 1pm...slept all the way till................................................................................
6 50pm(SO HERE STARTS THE STORY WHICH PISSED ME OFF)
i woke up n started panicking coz i worked at 6pm..supposed to..
nt wanting to paitao my werkmates,i called oulet n told the manager dat i will b coming asap..n he said yes..so lincah kadok nye mandi siap..n i walk damn fast noe till sweat..then reach outlet ard 720 pm..n guess wat..my manager said sorie n told me the new boss asked me to go home
n dun come for werk animore..i was fcking pissed off lah kn..so i accidentally scolded my manager..pity him..its nt his fault...he wan me to werk.but the boss dun wan..so i was cursing n cursing dat boss saying all sorts of thngs ah..i wished he was dead when he was come for 9 days a few years back...bapak anjeng btol..n the issue dat pissed me off more is dier nk sack aku ngan kakak aku dgn cara tk swee siall...bella tk buat apape ehk..he deleted our names from the schedule readi..cibai..mother fucking son of a bitch..n he really dun lyk us wat...coz kiter tk suker dgr ckp dier yg mereypek tu..n he even planned to sack me n kak bella readi..he stupid go tell one of the crew n she tell us abt it..tup tup tup,a few says after dat da kene sack.cibai ah..aku ngan kakak aku keje record baek siol...tk paitao2 eh...the weird thing is he is keeping the ones yg kaki paitao abesnyer...pukimak kan prangai..?mintak kene sound siak..tkper2..later in the morning me n bella gnna mit him n ask him the situation..ade chan die sat sat bebual,aku bukak ah aku peh vulgars dictionary..true colours ah siol..aku kn slamer nie budak baek.. aku baek pat sumer orgtk semestinye kau bleh pijak aku anitym eh doggy..sini meh aku BALING kepale kau...BALING!






santan tan terselit.salah selit salah selit
;lepas digoda,dia kena petir..
;setahun digoda,misai da pendek!
BALING!

okay like finally im updating again...hahahha...

so lets refresh abit of things behind there...

ferst stop.



1.on 2nd feb 2010, a new boy caame into the family..he is named farish shafiq(check spelling error)...veri veri qute n handsome little boy..n he is heavy..hahaha..i love hhim lah!but i still love fasha more..!



2.early dis week i was soo pissed off coz im bored...most of the days im rotting at home..hahahx..





3.on 10th feb,we celebrated mum's birthday...48th birthday(hell she dun look lyk one)...!

bought cake n ate dinner together outside..n on the same day itself is zul's 20th bdae...wished..!







4.thursday worked..







5.12th feb,the delta 09 gave fikri an advance bdae celebration...his bdae falls on the 14th feb,valentines cum cny..it feels good to come together again..but its nt a full strength..as usual,lots of stupid but funny things happened..aftr dat me haziq n fik went to watch valentines day movie..the movie was okay lah.hav strong n weak parts..but it was okay lah..get it?okay....


6.my results of posting for skewl at ite will be on 18 feb.. i juz hope i will get into any course atleast..i nid a skewl in order to go for 59th intake..


7.59th intake? i dunnoe..my hope to go for dat course is lyk 50-50 readi...


8.i miss people..those who made me laugh even once...i miss them..i miss him..i dunnoe y but this feelings is still nt fading away..yet..







dats all ive gt to write..urgh..ive gt nth much to say lah ... actuallie i kindof forgt oso n obviousli lazy...lets end it of wif wishes...!!!!!!!!















HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL...!AND HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.



dis is written in advance coz i will haf a busy 4 werking days of chinese new year ...n obviously i will b lazy to update my blog..and i personally think dat any other festive day lyk hari raya or or deepavali n chinese new year shud nt collide wif valentines day..i find it iritating..nt bein racist here..but 2 celebrations in one day?not cool for me..and no valentine dis year juz lyk last year...i guess my valentine(s) would b my werkmates which majority of them are singles...nyce one ah..last year wif SMIQA..dis year wif the PH.








Much love,

Nur Quraisha