my grandmother died 2 days ago. which is on the sunday..
after 3 weeks of suffering with different kind of tubes inserted to her body, finally she had her long rest..
the news was not a big shock or something because everyone see it coming soon..she have no more chances to live.
but it is still something that all children would not want to experience..losing their parents..
and now,i have got no grandparents anymore.. not even one..
i experience one kind of a feeling just now when we are at the cemetry..
i felt sad and scared at the same time,,when this uncle started saying those prayers and giving last advices
to my late grandma.. and when i tried peeking to the 'liang lahad',suddenly i was feeling dizzy..
grabbed my sisters hand and didnt try to do it again.ijust stood near there and reading along the prayers..
everything went smoothly..thank god..may she rest in peace and be placed among the good people in heaven..
amin.


she is being loved by many..a good mother,grandmother,wife and sister..everyone loves her..
and everyone will miss her...
nothing stays in this world.. not a single living thing.

im bored...im veri bored..im veri veri veri bored ryt now..
if only i am schooling right now,my days would not be so plain..everyday would be something new..
there will always be something new and to be talked about.. studies,friendships,teachers,politics,emotions..
oh my gosh..i am obviously missing school.. i wish i have homeworks now so it will fill up my empty time..
i want that busy pressured stressed till you cry life back again.. can i?i wish i can..atleast back then i have everone..
i have my friends.my bitches.my seniors.my juniors.my specialist.my cadets.my crush.my teachers.my enemies.n family.
but where do everyone go now?yes i still have my friends.but not everyday like last time where i can meet them evryday..i rarely meet ,talk or even sms with them. only when there is something coming up or someone need something or we are just plain bored then we will start talking.n that will only last like how long?hours?or maeby 2 days only..or even minutes.. that is how distanced i am from them.those people who used to be there for me everyday..
i want my ncc life back again..as a cadet..where we were being tortured like we are just a piece of shit..it is fun .. it makes us looks like fools but that is how we gain our strength from.. a cadet is far more stronger than a specialist..a specialist is just a senior who have more experience and knowledge..i want be in the platoon that have always been in the shit n sweats with me..i want to go gunung ayam again with my platton mates..it is the most precious thing that i would remember..i want to go through initiation camp again with them..because there is alot of drama which happen in real life and we happened to plan everthing out..it was funny shit..
i want to have a weekend job like last time..eventhough as a dishwasher for weddings..atleast i get to meet my crush every weekends..joke around ,annoy, tease,laugh with each other..n also sing together.i still remember the first song which break the ice..its "i wanna hold your hand"..an old school song..hahha..it was fun back then.having cash every weekends..and going for dinner as a group after work.but now,since something happened,we have not been going to work as a dishwasher every weekend..n yes if my sister happens to read this..yes,its true..i do have a big crush on zul..remember he is the chris brown and i am rihanna..it was crazy..but that was back then..i still do talk to him at times but not as often as last time..cause there is nothing much going on in my life...and i do not have much to talk about with everyone..EVERYONE.
i want to have my teachers back in my everyday life..they are the awesome-est strangers in my life..
they did try their best to make me learn something eventhough i am quite problematic with attendance back then..they still do not give up on me..i appreciate their efforts trying to get near us n treating us like their children..pampering us..it was veri sweet of them..i still remember mr row's convo with me on the phone.."can you come to school tomorrow?"...."okay,do it atleast for me..i have not seen you for a long time.."..."the whole class miss your presence here"...that actually made me come to school the next day and the whole week..i swear..which other teachers would do that?and the other teachers such as mdm hartini and mr vale and ms sor n ms shobha also filled up a certain area in my heart okay..they are the sweetest teacher..
i love going to school and seeing my enemies..enemies actually made my school life more interesting..without enemies,there will be no climax...and i remember me eeza n mus beating up maggie..it was memorable ..and during the early part of 2009 we are so fanatic..and as if everyday we go and solve problems for other people..nothing to do ..it was veri fun.and in the end.i can say those enemies actually became friends of mine..atleast we are not in bad terms anymore..atleast..
i want to turn back time again if i can and change everything..since secondary 1..i should have socialised more and get to know more good people in life..eventhough they are naughty people,sometimes they can be the best person in your life.and if i can turn back time..i would actually try to hold my relationship with haziq till now and in the future too just like what we used to promise back then..but promises are meant to be broken is it?he is a nice guy..he may be a little bit over protective but that is because he care..i became uncomfortable with that extra care since i do not like to be overly protected..but then if only we could sit down and talk really really nicely and not mistook what each other is trying to convey,we would actually stand till now..i am very very sure..but what to do?yes i admit i still miss him and i want him back but it is not going to happen..how can i prove that i still have feelings for him?in thousands of people i knew,why i always miss him?and why do i still feel jealous when he treat another girl extra special?and why do my heart skip a beat when i talk to him? i see changes in him and he is way much better now..maeby he is happy with his life or even with someone else..i would not ever ever be selfish and snatch that happiness away from him..he have helped and done alot for me..iappreciate and really thankfull for that..
all i can say my mistakes which i have done in the past..or should i say last year and last two years have actually changed my life..i am school-less right now..i am single and missing him always.. i am bored with doing the same thing all the time at work..workplace which used to be so homely has turned to be a bitch to me eversince that new boss came..i even got sacked on saturday..but i got the job again and working tomorrow..but seriously,work will not be that fun after this..
and lastly,,family?hmm..i do not know how to describe it right now..from my point of view,it is okay.. i am kind of comfortable with the way it is now..but to the others point of view,they keep complaining about how ALL of us not having time for each other anymore..dad cominghome around midnight everyday and leaving for work in the morning before everyone wakes up..mum keeps complaining to me about everyone's atitude towards her everyday..liike what am i suppose to do?i am even the youngest here for goodness sake.dont the older ones have brains to think better than me?my first sis as not been in contact for around 1 month.2nd sis has been going out everyday with her husband.3rd sis started working and it has made a bit impact..4th sis working at somewhere not halal and my mum nagging about it to me..and her atitude which is going down the drain to some peoples eyes..everything is being put on my shoulder..am i the oldest one here?hell no..! everyday she will keep telling me she is so stressed about my dad which is not in talking terms with her,my sis being rude to her everyday,being lonely at home.and alot more stuffs..and i am getting nagged at for someone's else's fault..so who should be more stressed here?no school.. a job with small pay and have to support herself and pampering her mum with her pay and in the end i am left with nothing.. isnt it better when there is lesser people at home?so peaceful..difrent people diferent points of view..
whatever it is..i am bored rotting at home..and that explains this lengthy post of mine.ok i am tired now..finally can rest.okay bye.take care earthlings..

juz came back home aftr 1 week of camp..
hahahha...
i had lots of fun during this whole week....n i really2 meant it ah..
from monday ahem ahem,,,oni those ppl noe..
to tuesday with backbone aching n still haf to werk with no sleep...
i swear my eyes da koyak sials..at werk i was staring at certain thngs alot of tyms..
coz im fcking sleepy n lazy to move my eyes..hahah..then reached skewl ard 1 am..
oxygen time with dina.. then didnt sleep till 5am..aftr 5am then i cnnt tahan readi..
pengsan rabak giler kebabian nyer...summore we haf our veri own built tent with two fucking
big n comfy high-jump mattress combined together..so slept thr till ard 12 plus..hahha..nidda get my power sleep mah..if nt the next few days im gnna be sick..o
on wednesday break camp for a/b camp...so we slack till 6pm..
the specs n haziq n me did sumthng really risky n crzay...but its funn...hahaha..
at nyt ard 12am we go out..planned to go sembwng park.but half thru walking the cnnector,
we darn lazy readi..so we juz exit the coffeshop lane n walk alll the way to northpoint's macd..slack thr..play the pig game.. n gt one apek yg tido air liur meleleh pat dlm dgn tiket
4d infrnt of him..so we disturb him ah..we write 4 number on a paper n say lucky 4d number.then we put on his table...so we make xtra noise to wake him up..n BALING!
hahahha...blah blah blah..we do it for th second tym.. then we slack outside ... n i swear evrione's eyes damn red readi...faishol ah 30 secs gone case..abeh tido senyom..
then ard 4 plus we made our way back to skewl..reached ard 5 10am..then the gate nt open.n we do nt wanna climb..so evrione lepak ryt outside the gate..n hell we juz lie down outside the gate..at the road entrancew thr..mcm org mabok..then 5 30 am gate open..evrione rushed to the tentage n slept in a pooof!sume juz squeeze in je..tangan kenmane kepale kemane..woke up at 11am..played in the rain wif dina..haha n then we bathe together n flood the toilet..lack of childhood sia.. then initiation start n hell start for the charlie..yay! i love sadism..! they gt tortured oni on the second day..ferst day soo relaxed..n i rmmber their faces when they eat biscuits wif marmite n saltwater,,hahaha..classic sial..smpai muntah lah...wth..dramamama sials..
then they receive more hell n hell. after dat i go werk on friday nyt..aku da pnat giler kebabian siak..reach skewl ard 1 am again..then talk2 wif kum fai haziq n nurra n afai n kim..2 am they all sleep.i continue layan si kum fai talk2..smpaii 2 30am.n evrione nidda wake up at 3am..so without sleep again the whole 2 days..proceed to sembawang connector for solo walk..its nt dat dark lah..coz gt moonlight..but still,,its dark enuff to make u haf the chills ...n evrithng ends at ard 6 plus in the morning..then they walk back..n my toes got bubble blisters...long tym neva wear no 4 bootmah.so cut short..finish evrithng. had lunch wif the specs n nurra n haziq n kum fai at np.. reach home ard 1pm...slept all the way till................................................................................
6 50pm(SO HERE STARTS THE STORY WHICH PISSED ME OFF)
i woke up n started panicking coz i worked at 6pm..supposed to..
nt wanting to paitao my werkmates,i called oulet n told the manager dat i will b coming asap..n he said yes..so lincah kadok nye mandi siap..n i walk damn fast noe till sweat..then reach outlet ard 720 pm..n guess wat..my manager said sorie n told me the new boss asked me to go home
n dun come for werk animore..i was fcking pissed off lah kn..so i accidentally scolded my manager..pity him..its nt his fault...he wan me to werk.but the boss dun wan..so i was cursing n cursing dat boss saying all sorts of thngs ah..i wished he was dead when he was come for 9 days a few years back...bapak anjeng btol..n the issue dat pissed me off more is dier nk sack aku ngan kakak aku dgn cara tk swee siall...bella tk buat apape ehk..he deleted our names from the schedule readi..cibai..mother fucking son of a bitch..n he really dun lyk us wat...coz kiter tk suker dgr ckp dier yg mereypek tu..n he even planned to sack me n kak bella readi..he stupid go tell one of the crew n she tell us abt it..tup tup tup,a few says after dat da kene sack.cibai ah..aku ngan kakak aku keje record baek siol...tk paitao2 eh...the weird thing is he is keeping the ones yg kaki paitao abesnyer...pukimak kan prangai..?mintak kene sound siak..tkper2..later in the morning me n bella gnna mit him n ask him the situation..ade chan die sat sat bebual,aku bukak ah aku peh vulgars dictionary..true colours ah siol..aku kn slamer nie budak baek.. aku baek pat sumer orgtk semestinye kau bleh pijak aku anitym eh doggy..sini meh aku BALING kepale kau...BALING!






santan tan terselit.salah selit salah selit
;lepas digoda,dia kena petir..
;setahun digoda,misai da pendek!
BALING!